Are you sure you want more control?

These days, I talk to so many people who claim to be looking for a greater sense of control in their lives!


Is that what you really want?

Yes, they tell me…’because I feel like I’m all over the place and things just seem to be running me – versus the other way around – and I want to feel like I’m the one in the driver’s seat calling the shots.’

And that’s fine…

We all want to feel like we’re running the show…and not the other way around.

But is it control that you’re really seeking?

You see, once we dig a little deeper…I often discover they’re only seeking control as way to ‘manage’ what’s going on in their lives, so they can avoid the pressures of feeling ‘lost’.

But what they REALLY want…is to feel wildly out-of-control with boundless excitement for whatever they’re truly passionate about!

Let me explain…

When life’s feeling ‘busy’, or ‘full’…and the pressures just keep accumulating, of course all you want is a greater sense of control!

But when life feels inspiring and exciting – like a fast-paced adventure – the last thing you want is control because what you really want is to take-off and enjoy the ride so you can make the absolute most of it!

So, what if instead of searching for control, you decided to find your excitement instead!

So how can I do that?

Finding your excitement really has nothing to do with control and instead means tapping into more of what truly inspires you – versus managing what’s currently on your plate.

And believe it or not, that probably means ‘winging it’ versus playing it safe…which is an entirely new skill-set for most of us as adults, even though this was our main game as kids.

‘But we all have responsibilities now…and there’s no time left for ‘fun!’

But fun is the missing ingredient if you want to find your excitement and harness a new type of control, which will allow you to leverage more of your creativity and resourcefulness!

As kids this meant doing simple things like climbing trees, or making mud pies, or sneaking off to to explore somewhere you weren’t meant to be …

But the good news is that as adults our ‘fun’ can be found in the same place that our true fulfilment lies!

So, the trick is to figure out what that is…and do more of it, which of course is easier said than done in today’s fast-paced world.

So here’s a few tips…

First of all, your fun lies in the exact same spot that your true gifts and talents are hidden…and the clues will generally be located in these 3 places;

  1. Your Achievements and Successes

Typically, when we’re successful at something, it’s because we have a natural leaning towards it…which means that while it may have taken some hard work to get there, there’s also a good chance that you have some sort of natural ability in that area.

So, what have been some of your greatest successes so far, or the achievements you’re most proud of?

And what did those bring out in you, or in other words…how did they allow you to ‘shine’?

  1. Your Personal Stories

Your personal stories are also one of the best ways to understand what has shaped who you are today and will point to what matters most and inspires you…from the inside out.

These may be positive or negative and are usually represented by some of your most memorable events, or people, that have had the greatest influence on you.

So, what have been some of the most important events in your life, and what challenges have you overcome…and how have these shaped who you’ve become in a way that they represent what you believe in most strongly?

  1. Your Favourite Adventures

These are a bit more obvious are can be found in your favourite hobbies or adventures, or those things which you tend to reserve for ‘playtime’ only!

They will also reveal aspects of you which tend to appear when you’re feeling more relaxed and enjoying yourself – versus managing the to-do list.

Or in other words, what do you LOVE to do simply for the joy of doing it, and what does this bring out in you?

So, the next time you find yourself seeking a greater sense of ‘control’ in your life – try asking yourself if control is what you REALLY want i.e. a way to manage the pressure…or if you’d rather relieve the pressure by seeking more of what truly fulfils and excites you!

Nicola x



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